..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
not ubering you a puppy
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
