U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
