After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
