I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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