So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
