need another drink. this is the easiest way
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
