Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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