if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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