i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
