sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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