Non-Jews are for practice
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
