Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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