Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
