I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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