Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
