Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
