After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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