hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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