We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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