She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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