Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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