he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
