Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
