dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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