I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
