i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
