Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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