I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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