I wish I only lived at night.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
