What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
