You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
