haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
