I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
