He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
