mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize