today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
