I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
