Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
