doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Alive.
So much puke
whose parrot is this?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
