tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize