You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
