I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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