you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
