i used baking grease as lip gloss
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
