There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
