How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
