some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize