I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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