honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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