mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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