He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
