About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
