The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
