I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
3pm strippers are depressing
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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