I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
