Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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