pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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