it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
