Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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