Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
