Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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