If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
