i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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