She announced her abortion via fbk
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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