Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
