Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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