Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
