it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
