Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
