So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
50% drunk capacity currently
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
