I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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