I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
