I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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