is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
