She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize