No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
