She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
