Is it because I queefed?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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