Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
