According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
